Israeli Women Soldiers

I came across these photos and wanted to share....

Israeli Women Soldiers Photos

Do Platonic Friendships Exist?

So the question that has been rolling around in my brain off and on for a few weeks:

"Is it possible for heterosexual men and women to have platonic friendships with each other?"

And reading http://nondatinglife.blogspot.com/2005/03/part-six-flipside-of-friend-zone.html made me really think about it- and enough to want to blog about it.

I have many male friends and a few close male friends. So when reading the aforementioned link I started to wonder about my own male friendships.

Is there always some underlying feeling from one person or the other? As one of my friends told me: "One person always likes the other one more." Something like a scene from "My Best Friends Wedding".

So first let me tackle the debate on the side of- "if this is true" then why do we continue to have these kind of relationships?

If you are the person with the feelings then is it that you are waiting for the other person to reciprocate it?
If you are the person without the feelings, then is it that you have some kind of intuition that the person has feelings for you? Or maybe they have come right out and told you that they do, and you like it in some sort of twisted, contorted way?

Now, if "it isn't true" that one person always likes the other one more, then there are many reasons as to why heterosexual men and women are friends, and some of them may be:
Women like getting attention from men even if it IS platonic and vica versa.
There isn't the same kind of competitive feeling that can sometimes happen when two women are friends.
Men are more able to be open about their feelings and be emotional with women friends.
They give great insight into each others dating situations.
And for many more reasons I am sure.

But, all that being said, there is an underlying issue that also needs to be discussed. How does ones significant other feel about the "friend" in ones life. My guess, is not that good. I was discussing this with a friend of mine and she had been going through this struggle in her relationship. Things had been happening that had made her uncomfortable. Some examples; when one person spends more time with that woman or man than the significant other, or they are the first one they called in the morning from bed while she was lying right there...NAKED!...or they go out of their way to be protective of them, take care of them when they are around, or spend more time with them when you are both at the same function, or change plans with your significant other to be with the "friend", or possibly the "don't make me choose between you and them" conversation has happened..... and maybe you have a few that you could add to this imaginary and friend referenced list, then I think there may be a slight problem, or a feeling of being slighted is more like it. Ever see the tv show "Grey's Anatomy" and the McDreamy friend situation? After all it IS hard hearing your significant other talk about another man or woman all the freakin" time!

A male friend of mine told me today that he has a best friend who is a woman. He said he would never date her because she is his friend's ex gf. Yet he did say "But I would bang her in a heartbeat." And I think that is my point exactly. There is some kind of underlying sexual tension whether anyone ever wants to admit it or not. Here is where I should be referencing "When Harry Met Sally".

I think the key is in balance and making sure your bf/gf/husband/wife (whatever) feels like they are the most important person in your life. After all aren't your significant others supposed to be your best friend, or am I just too idealistic? I think that if one is doing their best to be the best they can in a relationship then this wouldn't even be an issue.

Women and men have sixth senses about these kind of things and sometimes the radar goes up for a reason. History has proved that over and over I am sure of it. Although a good small healthy dose of jealousy has been known to be good for a relationship.

Also, is it okay to have close friends that one used to be in a relationship with? This is a tricky one because inevitably one person didn't want to break up and there will always be some sort of residual feelings left. And that issue, I think, is just not fair for a significant other to have to deal with on an ongoing basis. Your significant others love should suffice - no need for past loves to keep theirs up as well.

We haven't even discussed the "feeling inferior to the best friend" feelings. Ones significant other is best friends with them for a reason. They see something in them and click with them in a way that one doesn't with anyone else. There is history and a closeness that maybe can't be matched in the same way as a relationship. They have helped them somehow through tough times and been there to celebrate the good times. They are the "go to person".

So, if you happen to know someone who has a best friend that is of the opposite sex, have a good look at that relationship and maybe you will eventually see something happen like a scene right out of "My Best Friends Wedding" or maybe you won't.

As you can tell I am totally on the fence with this issue, I have a few really close male friends, and I wouldn't give them up for anything.

The Jewish Single Life

Well just as I start a blog the very thing I want to write about the most- dating- I have stopped doing, reason being I am dating only one person now. (So have I stopped? Technically I guess not, giggle, giggle).

Last fall my dating life was nothing short of a humourous Jewish dating documentary. In fact in retrospect I think I should have been video taping the entire experience. I was (as one of the guys I was dating put it) - POWER DATING. And the experiences and people I met were like scenes from a Hollywood romantic comedy, or should I say more like a comedy. A Jewish dating comedy, as I only date Jewish men.

I had been getting set up through friends, the internet-yes I admit I was on Jdate among others...., and I even tried speeddating once.

Some became friends after dating, some became friends immediately. I did meet a lot of nice, intelligent, kind men. But I did have some interesting experiences.

From the first guy who proposed to me almost immediately in the middle of Chapters, to the guy who called me 20 times on my cell phone in one night after our 3rd date. Then there was the guy who tried to make out with me 15 minutes after meeting me. There was a guy who I did like and dated for a month or two but he couldn't stop HIS power dating, he enjoyed women too much. Did I mention that he was divorced and used to have porn site with his ex-wife where she was the star? One guy thought that if he got me drunk enough I would sleep with him, or so he said, I never stuck around to find out. Yes it is true, there was a guy who was so sexually attracted to me that he thought I could cure his erectile dysfunction-NO JOKE! Another -after only having one coffee date, I cancelled a second date with him cause I met my present bf in between. The response from the guy I cancelled on was to send me an extremely lengthly scathing email to which one would have thought that we had been engaged.

And now I seem to have collected a database of single jewish men, from which my gf's have been known to dabble in once in awhile. And the database of single jewish men have been known to ask me to hook them up as well. I have become a semi, biproxy, not by choice, slightly moonlighting, on the side, matchmaker.

But I guess we are all in some form or another looking for that Mr. or Ms. Right.

Free Love

My children's hearts are boundless. They have this beautiful capability to be open and accepting of people.

Today I was talking with my daughter about a friend of mine she only recently met....
and she so easily, openly, trustingly and so matter - of - factly stated that she loves them!

I found it truly touching. And what I am about to state may sound contrived, corny or cheesy but I will say it anyway... I think everyone should love so easily as she.

Amazed

I was watching my kids play today without them knowing. I was amazed at how well at ages 4 and 6 they can make up stories, games and be self entertaining. Neither one of them is bossy nor the leader. They both just compromise and listen to one another.

Of course it isn't always smooth sailing and there can be disagreements but they don't last for long.

I find that actually my 4 year old boy has the latest trend of being demanding of his 6 yr old sister-and in her true personality always calls him on it. I hope this is a trait that she holds onto for her lifetime. Especially since she is female.

It is such a treat for me to sit back and observe them intermingling. I get to be a eye witness, a spectator (sometimes a referee) and a fan of their childhoods all at the same time. I feel truly blessed that I am the mother of those two amazing human beings. I am hoping that they always play as well together as they are today.